The style of salespeople in China is a little different to what we're accustomed to. Basically, from the second we enter a store, an employee follows us like we're there to rob them blind. If I pick up an item for further inspection, the helpful retailer will often start talking to me in Chinese and pick up another nearby item to show me. I haven't yet determined if this second item is for comparative purposes, is higher priced, or is simply a staff pick. Whatever the reason, we are too close to one another and I wish I could shop in peace. The experience is confusing and we were finding ourselves getting a bit frustrated and claustrophobic. Until I invented a game.
Basically, when we go into a shop (pharmacy, shoe, bookstore) the clerk usually goes right to Ed. Given we're in China and he's the dude, he is obviously going to be the one making the purchasing decisions. The whole surveillance and tracking system operates under the assumption that we won't split up. So, as soon as a salesperson has glommed on to us, I veer off in my own direction (phase 1). Now, the clerk has a critical decision to make, and the wheels are turning. He is watching Ed, but has to keep looking away to get a fix on my location. Am I behind the rack of sneakers? In the produce aisle? Does he stay with Ed or divert to tail me? Who seems shiftier?
8 out of 10 times, he calls for backup. But by the time help arrives, I'm already in deep-browse mode. The salesperson stands so close while I'm shopping that any unexpected move can and does cause collision, and this is where I really shine. At this point, Ed is usually buying the thing we actually need: tissues, bottled water, a street map. Which gives me time for phase 2, which is when I feign interest only in items on the shelves that are being blocked by the person following me. Oh, excuse me, nope to your right, no now move left, no, right behind your head. Oh, yes, so sorry, no I wanted that one by your foot. Oh, how clumsy of me, yes, if you could just. A little to your left, no my left. My fault. Yes this one. No, not this one, that other one. Sorry, if I could just reach around you...
Is this game mean spirited and culturally insensitive? Mmmm, probably. Does it provide us a bit of amusement in situations that can seem tense? Sure. Also? Phase 2 frustrates and confuses the tailgate, who typically retreats and finally gives me room to breathe. Works. Every. Time.
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I would like to vote, in this case, for giving the finger to cultural sensitivity. I like your game. I would like to play this game (I wonder what the protocol is if two women enter together). I also wonder what would happen if one were to learn the phrase in Chinese for, "you're standing way too close to me, I might hyperventilate/go crazy/vomit." See if Ed can't get some video of your messing with the salespeople!
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